Ten on Thursday

Here's the 10 on Thursday for this week:

1. I went to Home Goods yesterday with my mom, brother, and sister and no one was nutty. Not even once. Maybe the curse of the Home Goods Crazies is broken?

2. Nick will be 27 weeks old this Saturday. He looks like a little man.

3. I am tired and my wrist is still hurting, six months later. I wonder if I will ever have a pain-free day again!

4. Fall weather has arrived, sort of. Even on the hot days there's a crispness in the air that I love.

5. Kristin brough Nick a Halloween advent calendar from Pottery Barn kids. It's fabulous. She even personalized it with Nick's name at the bottom. Check it out:


6. Nick has officially outgrown all of his 3-6 month clothes.

7. A lot of my friends and students are pregnant right now - there's something in the water, or the air, or both.

8. I'm thinking about dying my hair back to its natural color, which is veryveryvery dark.

9. I watch Dancing with the Stars but I don't really like it all that much.

10. I've been reconnecting with old friends and students from USC on Facebook and that makes me happy.

What is it about Home Goods?

So yesterday my mom and I went to Home Goods during her weekly visit to San Diego and, for the second time in about two months, a lady went crazy at checkout and started screaming. This time, she was yelling, "I can't stand for that long!" when she stormed out. Apparently she was upset that she had to stand behind my mom and me in line. The last time this happened - same store, different nut-job - the woman was buying a few items and asked for a discount on one because "it isn't worth that much." Thinking she was talking to a street vendor in TJ, not a retail cashier in a chain store in SD, she threw a fit. She wanted 50% off. The cashier explained that the item was not damaged so she was unable to offer even 10% off, let alone cut the price in half. That banshee ran screaming out of the store, leaving the rest of us in line to pick our jaws up off the floor. The woman behind me just muttered under her breath, "wow."

I'm starting to think that the problem is either 1) with Home Goods clientele or 2) with Home Goods location, in Poway. Are people in Poway just crazy? Or does this store simply overwhelm already-on-the-edge ladies with its plethora of interesting-but-not-at-all-necessary household items?

Not sure. But I'm starting to wonder what's next. Stay tuned.

Five on Friday

I'm copying Susie here to start lists on my blog: Two on Tuesday, Five on Friday, and I might just throw in the occasional Three (or ten if I'm in the mood and Little Man is napping...) on Thursday!

1. I lost 3 pounds this month and I'm now just 7 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight. That feels good!

2. I like having my folks here. Watching them play with Nick warms my heart, and spending time with them reminds me of being a kid again myself. They make me feel taken care of in a very parently-kind-of-way.

3. It's supposed to rain tonight and I'm not sure how I feel about that. I miss changes in weather but rain does kind of suck. I hate closed-toe shoes. Viva las Flip Flops!

4. I miss my brother and sister.

5. My mom blessed our house yesterday (a full post on that forthcoming) and I could sense a lighter, happier energy all around after she did that.

NINO: Nine in, nine out

I have become very interested in the concept behind the NINO Group - that babies spend nine months in the womb, and need nine months of close swaddling and attachment parenting once outside the womb, for a total of 18 months of constant contact, in order to bond appropriately. Seeing how much Nick needs and wants a physical connection with me (if he could, I know he'd snuggle with me 24/7), I am starting to believe that the first nine months out of the womb need to be spent as close to mother as the nine months in the womb. Just reinforces to me how important the mother-child bond really is, how irreplaceable a mother's touch and presence are in the life and well being of her child.

Stop and smell the kumquat flowers

My life has always moved quickly, in part because I push it along with both hands. I'm not the kind of person who is content to wait around for things to happen; and as David can attest, when I ask for something to be done I usually wanted it done yesterday. Nick has come along and made me begin what I think will be a lifelong process of slowing down and accepting that I am subject to time and space just like all other mere mortals (my namesake notwithstanding). So yesterday, I stopped and smelled the flowers - the flowers on my new kumquat tree, to be exact. Dave and I are remodeling our backyard one piece at a time. This summer we remodeled the east side, had a new retaining wall built, and inside the wall we had filled with fresh compost we planted a line of beautiful fruit trees: Persimmon, kumquat, apple, orange, and peach. The kumquat tree is a full-sized beauty that was heavy with ripe fruit when we bought it about a month ago. The fruit has since dropped and in its place are what look like a thousand little flower buds, which yesterday began to open. The smell is absolutely otherworldly. I thought I had to go outside to smell it, but as I was bathing Nick yesterday afternoon upstairs in our guest bathroom I realized the smell had wafted up the side of the house and through the upstairs windows! I was trying to bathe him quickly, so we wouldn't be late to lunch with my friend Michele and her son Gianni - as usual, rushed, rushed, rushed, and then I smelled the flowers. I looked at Nick, who was smiling at me as if to say, "See mama? Sometimes you just have to stop and smell the flowers." He seems to have the wisdom already, at five months, that I lack still at 34 years old. Life moves too quickly; if you push it even faster, like you're in a race to see who can "get there" fastest, the journey is a big stress-filled blur. So I am taking time now, not just to smell the flowers but to notice the smiles, enjoy the moments, and stop worrying about being late. I may actually start being late on purpose just to a) freak people out, especially if I seem okay with it and b) turn over a new leaf and revel in the part of myself that is becoming open to the possibility that life is more than a series of obligations and time restrictions. Vive la difference!

On the importance of thoughtfulness

I find that motherhood is teaching me a lot. One thing I'm learning is the importance of being thoughtful and showing others how much you care by remembering what's important to them. We all need to show that we care about the people who matter in our lives. And it's the little things that count - the messsages on MySpace, the phone calls, the flowers, the cards, the moments together, the words we say. I want to raise Nick to be someone who remembers anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays, and to be present for those moments with the people who matter to him the way my family is with me. I want him to handwrite cards, send flowers, and generally be the kind of person who shows love. I want him to make those gestures even when he's far away from the people he loves, and even when he hasn't talked to them in a while. I hope that in raising him to be a thoughtful man, I will help him to receive such love and attention in return. Life is richer when you care, and are cared about.

Wednesday & Thursday night ritual

SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE has become a staple of our evening routine here in the Perrakis household. Nick loves it! He watches so intently, bouncing and kicking to the beat. He smiles at Cat Deeley (just like grandpa!) and in general it's endlessly entertaining to watch him get so animated and excited. I'm not one of those parents who advocates sitting your child in front of the television for hours on end *but* in this case, letting Nick watch some SYTYCD is harmless. It's music, dance, funny voices, and lots of movement - just what a four month-old baby gets excited about. One day we can tease him about his first crush on Ms. Deeley. For now, I am planning to enroll him in Mommy-N-Me hip hop classes when he's 3. How cute will that be?

What a difference a year can make!

I am about to turn 34, and I think this birthday is a significant one for me. It's not as traumatic as 30, not quite as scary as 35 when you must say you're in your "mid-thirties" rather than "early thirties"; but it's my first birthday as a mom, and for that reason it feels different than the rest. Every birthday from now on will be celebrated with my son. I was actually pregnant last year on my 33rd birthday but I didn't know it yet. I was 10 days along, but the confirmation wouldn't come until August 16th when the pink line appeared on the home pregnancy test. So I guess this isn't my first birthday as a mom in the most technical sense.

I've decided that blogging will be an excellent way for me to document my experiences as a mom. I will balance the blog with the diary I have kept since February, called "Mommy's notes to Nicholas," that I am writing to Nick, for Nick. This blog will be a more public forum for my thoughts and experiences, and allow my friends and family to participate in the process a little more actively. I am loving the experience of motherhood so far, and I look forward to sharing the highs and lows with everyone here.

The funny thing is, no matter how much I document mommyhood, no matter how many pictures I take, I always wish there were more ways to hold on to these precious moments. I know the pictures, the diaries, the blogs - none of these can capture the magic of just being with Nick, of those times when he smiles so brightly at me, when he giggles with me, when I say "I love you" and he responds, "Ah woo," when he falls asleep holding my fingers so tightly that his little knuckles turn white. I'm starting to realize, already, that the most treasured parts of this journey will be the ones I can't photograph, the ones for which there are no words. As someone who wants always to "hold on" to time, the challenge for me is to let go, and in letting go learn to understand that life is meant to be lived, not remembered. If you work too hard to remember, you aren't able to be present in the moment.

And yet I will continue to document and digest and record. It's my way of trying to control what cannot be controlled. It's also the only way to share with others what I am so fortunate to have: The love of a baby that my body created, that David and I brought into this world together, with which God has so clearly blessed us.