Taking a break ...

I am sitting here on Sunday night recalling all the events of last year, at this exact time, getting ready to meet my son. I've decided to take a week off from this blog and finish up the book I've been writing to Nick since the day I found out I was pregnant. It is officially 300 pages long (single-space, yes, but with photos). I am going to have it bound in April as my birthday gift to him. I certainly can't buy him any more toys ... have you seen this little man's birthday loot? And his Aunt and extended family haven't even given him their gifts yet! We are so blessed. Anyway, who knows if he will ever read the book, titled Notes to Nicholas, but it has been my way of documenting this journey for him since he won't remember it all. Every new development, every special moment is chronicled. I am even thinking of sending it to a publisher. Looking back when I was pregnant I think I would have bought something like it - a mom's notes to her unborn son and then her notes to him throughout his first year.

Anyway, all to say that I'll be back in a week. See you then! In the meantime check out the birthday pictures.

Before, after

Day 1 of his life:

The morning of his 1st birthday:

What a year it has been. A link to pics from today's party is forthcoming ...

Enjoy these moments - they pass too quickly

My water broke on March 29, 2007. My labor was induced on March 30, and Nick was born at 12:32 p.m. on March 31. I was only 36 weeks pregnant. I thought I had another month to go. Nick had other plans. We all joke that he wanted to be here in time for Easter.
Ah, labor. You know, I felt most of it even though I had an epidural. They shut off the meds pretty early. I felt that entire last 2 hours and of course the hours before it was inserted. Every single twinge, burn, pull. And I wouldn't change a thing. I have never felt more empowered. I can say, in no uncertain terms, that I know pain. In that moment when your child's skull is trying so desperately to move through and past you, it's literally bone on bone. It's a pain I cannot describe. And there's a sadness attached to it. I kept thinking, why are you in such a hurry to leave me? I was so happy being pregnant with Nick, feeling his kicks and movements, having that connection that only a pregnant woman can have with her unborn child. When my water broke, I cried. I was pretty zen throughout the delivery - there is something sacred about the process that quieted me is all I can say - but then when Nick was finally outside of my body, when I held his tiny body on my chest and the doctor with David's help "cut the cord" I cried again. I knew as long as he was inside me that he was safe; now he was out in the world and I wouldn't always be able to protect him. It was a primal experience of my body releasing him and my heart aching and my soul seeing its reflection in this new human being all at once.INTENSE STUFF. What I wrote above is about the best way I can possibly describe it all in words.

One year later I realize that Nick's birthday is the most important day of my life. It's not really just the start of his life; his life began much earlier, and was so intimately connected to mine long before he broke free from my body. To me, March 31st is a day to celebrate the fact that I've given half my heart to another person who brings special gifts to the world and who gave me, without question, the greatest gift of all: He made me a mother.

All of this, one year ago this weekend. Thanks for letting me reflect with you.

Easter retrospective

I am soooo-ooooo-ooooo tired, still recovering from a long week behind me and a long one ahead (Nick's 1st birthday party is this coming Saturday - his official birthday is 3/31). All the while I am trying to take some time out this week to pause and reflect on the year gone by. I'm rather emotional for some reason. I will post more soon.

For now, enjoy some of my favorite Easter pics. Will take a long post to show them all - there are a lot and I am so not good at making choices among photos. It was a blessed day from start to finish. Hope yours was, too. Enjoy!

Make a free ecard - it's easy!

Another sneak peek

From our Easter photo extravaganza ... I think he just looked too handsome today. Of course I am extremely biased. The photographer said that Nick seemed to pose for her, and asked if I take a lot of pictures of him. I laughed and said, "Not really, just 8000 since he was born." (That is no exaggeration my friends; today's photos were numbers 8032-8056).

But he did sit there and smile for the camera, like the most proper young man. In a way it makes me sad to see him looking so grown up; last Easter he weighed just 5 pounds. His whole body fit in the palms of my hands. The time just flies.

Anyway, I nostalgically digress. I hope Easter preparations are going smoothly in your neck of the woods!

I hate to spoil the surprise ...

but someone's getting dressed up like a bunny for Easter this year. and there will be many more photos of the fun to come ... stay tuned!

Ten on Tuesday - The Quirks & Eccentricities Version

I thought it would be fun to switch things up - here's the 10 on Tuesday but instead of just 10 random facts or happenings, I'm listing 10 odd things about me and my personality (some you may not know!).

1. I hate mayonnaise. Even the thought of it makes me sick. But I will still eat a good chicken salad sandwich anyday (like the one at Claim Jumper = YUM); I just can't think about how it's made.

2. I am not a night-owl. I love going to sleep before 8. So having a baby who does so suits me just fine.

3. I believe in past-lives, ghosts, and the paranormal. I had a very scary experience once that has led me to seriously believe that there is a "dark side". I practiced witchcraft for a few years (long ago) and accidentally brought something evil into my house (didn't cast a circle and close it before working a spell). This is all true. I never practiced again and have become quite a devout believer in God as a result (seeing the dark side proved that there's a light side, too, if that makes sense). I don't think witchcraft is bad per se; I just made a really serious mistake with it (one all practitioners know not to make) and realized I'd rather not tamper with the darker side of things again.

Of course having said that I still own 10 decks of tarot cards and use my pendulum when I need to make a decision.

4. My mom is psychic - has had ALL kinds of paranormal experiences - so I think I got all this from her. She's very witchy in her own way. And so was my grandma. But she'd never have admitted it. Maybe it runs down through the women in my family.

5. In keeping with the otherwordly theme of 3 & 4, I believe I have known Nick's spirit for many, many years, even lifetimes. I knew exactly how he would be before he was born. My brother studies Kabbalah and says that Nick chose me to be his mother. I like that idea. Lucky me!

6. I am a loner, but a very social loner. I love crowds and people and parties but I just need a lot of time by myself before and after to recover and be peaceful.

7. I hate to brush my teeth. I don't know why, I just hate it and wish I didn't have to do it.

8. I have an entitlement complex and I have worked my whole life to get over it.

9. I love teaching. It is for sure my calling in life. It was nice to find my calling so young. I think I would have been good at acting. I was also an excellent waitress for years. I'm a good multi-tasker and very organized in an OCD-kind-of-way.

10. I have a really strong friendship with my ex-fiance, which most people find odd. I take it as such a compliment that he knows me so well and still likes me :0)

What are you some of your quirks and oddities?

Nick 411

Name: Nick, also known as Nickorish, Picolas, and Boo Pickles
Age: One-ish
Favorite food: YoBaby yogurt with cereal, banana-strawberry flavor
Least favorite food: Green beans
Favorite snack: Mini Teddy Grahams
Favorite item to throw on the floor: Phone
Bedtime: Eight-ish
Favorite non-breastfeeding activity: Crawling and trying to put toys in Bella's water
Aspiration: To climb the stairs unobserved
Favorite non-mommy person: Grammie
Favorite word: BAAGAA
Occupation: Slave to mommy's dress-up whims, including various holiday-related apparel.

Spring has sprung

This week my peach tree came alive - all those hardened winter buds have started to open, revealing bright pink blossoms that will eventually bring summer fruit. Something about these delicate flowers says to me, "Take a deep breath - winter is almost over, and the warmth of summer days will soon refresh your spirit."

One bald man looking out for another

We live in San Diego where it's never really cold enough outside to wear a hat ... unless you're under a year old and bald in patches, and your grandpa happens also to be patchy bald and paranoid about "heat escaping through your head" in the early morning hours when you're riding around the backyard in your Radio Flyer Sport Coupe.

Nick is so easy-going. He was like, okay, put on the hat. See if I care. He has this little smirk he's developed over the past two weeks where he smiles with his mouth completely shut - a little sly grin of sorts. So here are pics of Nick with Grandpa (Nick Perrakis Sr. and Nick Perrakis Jr.) and little man sporting his hat and grin - proof that, in this family, bald men look out for each other.

My Story

Hi, my name is: Athena
but you can call me: Athena
Never in my life have I: milked a cow (but I've been milked like a cow :0)
The one person who can drive me nuts is: Dave and my mom take turns
When I’m nervous: I play with my hair and bite my nails, but not both at once
The last song I listened to was: Dance like there's no tomorrow by Paula Abdul (I know ...)
My hair is: in need of a trim and some serious highlights
When I was 4: my mom was prego with my sister
Last Christmas: was my son's 1st - so fun
I should be: asleep
When I look down I see: my glasses sitting folded in my lap
The happiest recent moment was: finding out Sadie finished her dissertation
By this time next year: I'll be getting more sleep
My current gripe is: that there's no democratic presidential nominee yet
I have a hard time understanding: people who drive slowly like they have nowhere to be
If I won an award, the first person I would tell would be: Nick
I want to buy: stuff for easter baskets
Where do you plan to visit: Hawaii next January
If you spent the night at my house: you would NOT SLEEP
The world could do without: people who abuse animals. And Miley Cyrus.
Most recent thing I’ve bought myself: clothes at NY&Co - LOVE that place
Most recent thing someone else bought me: Teuscher chocolates ... mmm ...
My middle name is: Irene
In the morning I: drink 2 cups of coffee before 9 a.m. with cinnamon vanilla creamer
Last night I was: watching Idol with my family
A better name for me would be: your royal highness
Tomorrow I am: meeting with my doctoral students
Tonight I am: planning our meeting and Nick's birthday party simultaneously
My birthday is: August 9!

My blue-eyed boys

When I was pregnant, we hoped Nick would inherit specific qualities and characteristics from each of us - for example, my patience (which he seems to have most of the time), but not his dad's eyebrows (he doesn't - they are shaped just like mine); my smile (which he has - his whole face smiles, not just his eyes, like mine), but not my thumbs (long story, but he doesn't), and - most of all - his daddy's big blue eyes. They're the color of caribbean water.

And check it out ... every wish came true. Nick's eyes are a slightly deeper blue than David's, but stunningly amazingly shockingly beautiful nonetheless.

A long nap = a happy man

When he has napped long enough and he's been warm and snuggly, no one is happier or more adorable. He is in a great mood, his cheeks are bright red like someone's been pinching them, and he is as easy-going as they come.

See?

A recipe you must try

Maybe for dinner tonight? The recipe is here on a blog called My Messy Thrilling Life, to which I am somewhat addicted (I am a sucker for a good writer with a wild imagination and interesting life).

Modifications: I left out the bacon, doubled the tomato sauce, used garbanzo rather than cannellini beans, white rice instead of brown, AND in a very-Paula-Deen-sort-of-way, dropped in three tablespoons of butter right before serving, to make the sauce extra creamy. Make sure you let the onions cook long enough so they aren't raw. I also use low-sodium everything (beans, tomatoes, tomato sauce) and you might want to as well - otherwise I think this could turn out quite salty.

Enjoy!

Not so much with the Easter Bunny

I just couldn't resist. You know me, I have zero impulse control, and the formula today went something like: Easter Bunny in the mall + great photo opp + Nick in a good mood + no lines and thus no wait = YES. He was so happy before I sat him in Mr. Easter Bunny's lap. Then, I stepped away so as not to be in the shot, and at that very moment he started screaming and hollering. And you know what? I love the photo anyway. In fact, I think it's even cuter that he's so miserable - not because I like to see him cry, but because he always poses and smiles for the camera. This was a little change of pace.
Happy (or not-so-happy as the case may be) Easter!

One year ago this weekend ...

The baby shower to end all baby showers took place at Pacifica Del Mar. What fun memories I have of that day, just 4 weeks shy of Nick's early arrival. My mom and sister did such an amazing job of planning all the details and making everything so special; my brother, dad, and hubby did all the "heavy lifting", which included carrying the more than 100 gifts back to our cars. Sixty-five (yes, 65) friends and family from all over southern California came to help us celebrate. And Sadie stayed all night afterward to help me unpack the goodies and organize Nick's nursery. It seems like yesterday ...