Sneak Peek: Zoe Rose at 29.5 weeks

She looks *just* like Nick at his 30 week ultrasound ... amazing! She weighs 3 1/2 pounds now. For comparison sake, here are HER photos from today ...








And here are Nick's ultrasound photos from the same week, two years ago:

Peek-a-Ba!

Another video - now that I know how to upload them to YouTube, expect many more posts like this one ...

Nick and Mattias having fun

Bright Blessing

He is my sunshine, my only sunshine; he makes me happy when skies are gray. He'll never know, that Nicholas, how much I love him. Please don't take my sunshine away. (Photos from Christmas day and today, 12/29, his first visit to Sea World!)

O Christmas Tree

Two of my three trees are up this year. I have completely run myself ragged getting Christmas together (the back pain from shopping and wrapping and working and chasing and lifting and carrying around an extra 30 pounds is horrendous) so the third tree and other decorations (like those I collected this fall for Zoe's tree, which will be a fairy/secret garden themed tree ... she has 2 fairies, 2 butterflies, and 4 green glass ornaments so far ...) have been packed away safely in anticipation of more energy on my part next year (ha!). But the trees photographed above really are my favorite two: The gingerbread tree, and our main tree, the red tree. I tried to take some good photos by playing with my camera's ISO and other settings (thanks for the tips Susie!).

On a funny note, we went to a Christmas party this weekend where Santa arrived and you had the option of bringing a small gift for him to give your child while he was there. Well, when he got to Nick's gift, he YELLED out "Nicholas!? Where is Nicholas? That's MY name!" and scared the crap out of my little guy, who started crying and didn't want to take the gift Santa offered him (even thought it was a cool red bird and Nick l-o-v-e-s birds).

My child isn't a huge fan of Mr. Claus. Yet.

Sadly, another child at the party had parents who either didn't remember or couldn't afford to give him a gift from Santa so the hostess collected money from everyone and put it in an envelope for him. All of the other kids' gifts were thoughtfully chosen and wrapped; it was hard to watch him open his envelope of singles without a sign of joy or happiness on his face. {sigh} Makes me wish I had been thoughtful enough to bring an extra gift just in case. I will next time. It was another reminder to me of the many blessings I tend to take for granted.

Merry Christmas to you all.

Project 365: A Year in Review

Thanks to Susie, I learned of this concept, where you take one photo a day and upload it into a set, and at the end of the year you've captured sequential memories. It's an awesome experience, though a lot of work I must say to stay organized and committed. In the interest of full disclosure, some days I took no photos and other days I took three, so it's not quite exactly 365 days of Nick's 2nd year of life, but it's very, very close. If you hold your mouse over a thumbnail photo you can see the date it was taken; and if you click on a photo you can see it enlarged.

So, if you want to see how Nick has changed in the past year, click here. I'm pretty darned proud of myself for keeping up with this project all year long and hope to do it again in 2009.

26 1/2 weeks

Zoe's getting big and strong! I already know her sleep-and-wake patterns. She's about 14 inches from head to toe and weighs 2 pounds. Her mama is just thankful this is the last week of classes and soon I can rest.

A Monday funny - because this is going to be a l-o-n-g week

This past weekend we taught Nick to say "ooooh noooo" (which he says as "ahhhh naaaa"). What we didn't teach him but he managed to learn anyway (smartie pants) is the comedic timing piece. He says it unprompted at all the right moments (like when he's supposed to be going down for a nap and I get upset because he refuses to sleep, for example).

I laughed until I cried when he wouldn't nap and I said, "Okay Nick, you either nap with mama or it's in the cosleeper for you" and he said, "aaaah naaaa."

You live for these moments as a mom. You really do. Have a good week!

Five on Friday: The "It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas *and* I'm feeling sentimental" edition

I'm sitting upstairs in my office with the door open, working, on a Friday night at 7 p.m. while Dave watches Nick downstairs. I can hear their conversation. And I want to stop working and go join them. Every day my little boy is getting bigger, and I'm endlessly conflicted about the way I divide my time between him and my work. Both are important. One is fleeting though, and I can't get my time with Nick back.

So here are my five sentimental-and-somewhat-holiday-related thoughts tonight:
1. That hearing Nick and David jibber-jabber to each other with Christmas music playing softly in the background is the sweetest sound I can imagine.
2. That even though I do my best every day for everyone in my life, and go to bed absolutely exhausted for that very reason, it's still not good enough and probably never will be. Even though ironically it has to be.
3. That Nick is now 20 months old and will be able to tell Santa next year what he actually wants for Chrismas. Scary!
4. That I already long for the days when I could pose Nick for pictures in front of our Christmas tree because now he gets up and walks away. Hmph.
5. That Christmas is so much more extra-special for me now that I have children. It just seemed empty for a while there. How kids refocus your attention on what matters is truly miraculous.

Have a good weekend!

X-rays from yesterday

I actually think this x-ray shot of Nick's little legs is cute. Don't you?

Because sometimes you need a reminder

We get lulled into thinking our problems are big problems; sometimes they are, but a lot of times, they're not. Here's what life did for me today: It took what seemed like a problem and put it in a whole lot of context. Nick has been having trouble walking lately. For about a month now. He has been tripping more and more, and losing his balance in situations where he otherwise wouldn't. And I have totally freaked out. He saw his pediatrician who encouraged me to relax, telling me that he's "toeing in" but that it's normal for kids under 2 and besides he has his father's awful flat feet and that lends itself to toeing in, too. RELAX FIRST-TIME MAMA! It's just that when you see your baby struggle, especially with something like walking that's so important and especially especially when he didn't have trouble before, well, you worry.

It seems like a problem.

So my pediatrician made me an appointment with the head of pediatric orthopedics at Rady's Children's Hospital today. One of the best children's hospitals in the country, and one of the biggest. It's a whole medical complex of pediatric sub-specialties: Cardiology, otolaryngology, neurology, and saddest of all perhaps, oncology. Here we were, my little man and me, getting on the elevator with kids who clearly had problems to deal with. And parents who were without their babies, but carrying their babies' things: Blankets, plush bunnies, all wearing "visitor" stickers. We saw our doctor, amidst other patients Nick's age dealing with scoleosis and other awful real problems, and when Nick's x-rays all came back normal and he was diagnosed with "internal tibial torsion" - a genetic turning-in of the tibias on both legs that he got from David, and that will ultimately self-correct by the time he's 3 or 4 - I felt such a series of emotions. It was overwhelming. I could hear the doctor talking and yet I was almost outside my body, thinking about all those babies and kids we'd seen on the way in and how LUCKY we were to be OKAY and able to go HOME.

I held Nick for a few minutes in that room, his tiny little legs and all. And I thanked God from the bottom of my soul. Thank you, thank you, thank you for my healthy babies. Thank you.

Thank you.

Because I needed a reminder to get beyond myself and what seems like a set of problems in my life but isn't. Having a crazy toddler who misbehaves is not a problem. Having a job that never gets done isn't a problem. Having back pain from being pregnant and being exhausted because you're carrying a healthy child is not a problem. I feel blessed today.