Happier times

Not sure how we got so far away from where we used to be. We were never a perfect couple, but we were happier once.

 

We survived Disney w/a toddler and infant!

And wouldn't you know it? Nick finally gets to meet Mickey (whom he affectionately refers to as Hot Dog after the Hot Dog Song) and he freaks out, pushing him away. It had been a really long day for all of us (the first of three in fact).

Of course I got it on film.

 

More photos of the fun to come!

More etsy fun!

I found this woman in China of all places who makes words decorated with tiny clay and porcelain flowers. Look what she did with Zoe's name! She placed the letters on denim fabric with a big beautiful pink bow, ready for stretching and framing. I think I'll have it framed in white, though my plan is to go to Aaron Brothers or Michaels and see what creative ideas they have. Do you have any suggestions?

I love etsy. Where else in the world would I ever find something like this? I hope she loves it enough to want to keep it and hang it in her grown-up room one day.

 

Big brother

He's the best big brother in the world - next to my own, that is. I never fully appreciated Nick's tender spirit the way I do now, seeing him with Zoe. He truly is a kind little being, gentle and sweet.

Lucky me.

 

Buddies

Nick loves his little sister! He says "Hi beebee" every time he sees her, especially first thing in the morning when he wakes up. He kisses her and wants to hold her. I am so glad to see them bonding at such an early age. I hope they are friends forever. At least until she's old enough to steal his toys ...

 

Happy 3rd month, Zoe!

 

Zoe fast facts: 1) She's three months old today! 2) She likes feeling sunshine on her skin, holding hands, and watching her brother play. 3) She smiles a lot - much more than her brother did at this age. 4) She doesn't mind it when I put fancy headbands on her and take pictures; in fact, she seems to enjoy it and is learning how to pose for the camera.
Is it just me, or have these three months flown by?

Ten on Tuesday - the "IT guy better actually fix my d*&n computer this time" version

1. Because I can't live w/o my computer, for goodness sake.
2. And not because I need to do work; because I need facebook to feel like a normal human being with a semblance of a life.
3. Other things ... Nick's vocabulary has exploded and I can't keep up with my little "Nick to English" dictionary I was keeping for a while. My latest fave? Well, two faves? He says balloon as "bur-NUR-nay" (like with an Italian accent almost) and he also says, "es otay mama" for "it's okay mama" as well as "es otay bee bee" for "it's okay baby" to Zoe when madame is having a screaming meltdown.
4. Which happens a lot even though no one thinks or believes madame has colic.
5. I say she's melting down because she needs to shop and no one will take her.
6. I didn't lose a single pound this month and I don't care. The weight will leave when it's ready. Right now it's very happy where it's stuck.
7. My butterscotch oatmeal cookies aren't helping.
8. I stopped taking Zoloft because I hate being on any meds when I'm nursing. But I miss it. It really helped take the edge off, if you know what I mean. About as well as a glass of wine, which is probably better for me right now.
9. But I won't do that either. Kiddo comes first.
10. And on that note, I hope you have a wonderful week! Did you love the Bumbo pick of Mrs. Rose in the previous post? It's one of my new faves.

Bumborific!

Let the sitting-up-all-by-herself days begin!

 

Another favorite from week 12

 

Oh, my girl

Zoe Rose, I love you so.

12 weeks old this Sunday, where did the time go?

 

Proud of me

Every day I struggle with the fact that I'm a working mom. How can I possibly give my best to so many people, I think. Someone is going to be disappointed, invariably, and to be honest I just don't want it to be my kids who suffer.

But then on days like this - Commencement 2009 - I feel proud of myself, my role, my accomplishments, and I hope that one day when Zoe sees this picture she will be proud of me. Proud of the fact that her mom has a PhD and is a professor and spent that afternoon presenting doctoral students with their hoods, conferring their PhD degrees.

 

Building my portfolio

So I got a new lens, I've been studying photography under a professional wedding photographer, and if I do say so myself (ahem!) I'm getting pretty good! Like almost good enough to start charging people for my services! Here are a few of my recent favorite shots. Enjoy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Firefighter

Not sure anyone reads this poor little blog anymore - I probably depressed everyone away! But in case someone out there is still checking in, I wanted to share a photo of this beauty, a new rose in my garden called "Firefighter". One rose makes the entire house smell like heaven, what they describe as an "old rose scent." If you live near an Armstrong Garden Center and have a sunny patch that deserves a new beauty, I highly recommend this lovely rose. I chose this one just for my Zoe Rose.

 

Happy 2nd month, Zoe!

Guess who's 2 months old, weighs 11 1/2 pounds (up from 8 pounds at birth), and is the light of mom's life? Ms. Zoe Rose!

Etsy finds

I love etsy.com. I am glad that in this economy I can buy handmade items and support artists and moms and grandmas rather than big-box stores.

These are some of my favorite recent finds. Check out these two hats - can't wait to see how they look on Zoe! Can you say photo opp?

And these bows that another lady made just to match the Janie and Jack dress my sister bought for Zoe when she was born. The dress almost fits her now, and the bows are the exact shade of light aqua. I can't wait for that photo opp, either.

Photo of the Day

I love it when their eyes cross. Nick's crossed until he was 3 months old and cracked me up every time. (Might I add, as a post-script, how glad I am that both my kids have sparkling blue eyes and long eyelashes and didn't inherit my pukey brown eyes and short eyelashes?)

What are you doing in there?

He never fails to amuse me.

Three on Thursday

1. Zoe's birth announcements are finally in the mail. Thanks to Susie and Sandrine who made them possible. I am so pleased with how they turned out!
2. Both kids were sick last week but appear to be on the mend. In time for Mother's Day! How's that for a gift?
3. Zoe slept for 6 hours at night TWICE this week. And she's only 7 weeks old! Of course she only slept 2 hours in a row last night. I'm not taking this as a pattern or indication of future behavior just yet ...

Have a great Mother's Day weekend!

Starfish

I have always loved starfish. They symbolize for me a certain strength and resilience, but also peace and tranquility. If you cut off one of their legs, it grows back. But they are not aggressors. They don't seek conflict but if it comes to them, they persist and overcome even the harshest physical challenge.

I have had to be a starfish in my life. I have faced many challenges in my 35 years and had to find ways to overcome, persist, and survive. I really feel like the past few months wounded me physically and emotionally, but my legs are regrowing. I have seen glimmers of hope, glimpses of a life better lived. I have smiled every day. I have stopped crying. I have prayed for wisdom and courage. And for peace. And for the ability to do with grace what needs to be done in my life. Like a starfish.

I wouldn't say I am without fear, but I would say I feel better able to face the fears I have.

This week Dave was diagnosed with parasomnia, which is a sleep disorder where you act out your nightmares. Scientists really don't know what causes the base problem; but in essence if you have this, when you're in REM sleep you don't have the normal paralysis that keeps you from sleepwalking and sleeptalking. So if you dream that you're being attacked, you actually attack back. It can be very dangerous to those who sleep in the bed with the afflicted person. He had an attack of this two weeks ago and scared me (and Nick) half to death. He's having an MRI and EEG next week to make sure there aren't other neurological problems underlying this one (there tend to be, apparently) and then he'll have to be on medication. Or sleep in another room. Life just keeps on getting more ... interesting around here.

I'll continue updates every so often and thank you for checking in on me!

On why this photo is deceiving

This is not the most peaceful baby in the world; but you wouldn't know it from the picture I uploaded here, taken this morning in her royal onesie (LOVE etsy.com). I had colic from birth to 9 months, and my mom said she always wished that I'd have a colicky daughter so I'd know what it was like. Well, THANKS MOM. Here she is. Fussina Fusserman, as I call her (I called her that at the doctor's office yesterday, cracked the nurse up). She's rarely pleased, rarely peaceful. She does sleep in 4 hour stretches at night thank goodness. But during the day, it's pretty much a fuss-fest at our house. And when she cries, Nick does a "fake" sympathy cry (which is actually pretty funny, though after about an hour of them both going at it, I'm done). Anyway, I think it's funny - all of us new moms work hard to capture the photos of the good times, the happy moments. The reality of motherhood is this (and not just for me in my post-partum depression-y haze): Your hair is dirty, you have no makeup on, your clothes smell like stale breastmilk or formula, you have not slept in god knows how long, and you'd secretly (or not-so-secretly) like to run away. Far away. But you don't, because you love these munchkins. And there are, after all, moments like these, deceptive as they may be.
p.s. Once again I look at this photo and it's like looking back at Nick two years ago. These two just look so alike to me!