A tragic irony

I try to keep this blog light. But it's called Soul Impressions, and this topic has made a deep and profound impression on my soul this week.

Have you seen CNN's video about the culling of African elephants? If not, you must. Click here to watch it.

What makes this tragedy so ironic? Humor me for a moment. Here's the African government's argument: There are too many elephants in southern Africa, and their overpopulation is disturbing the natural balance of the ecosystem; what's more, these elephants are destroying trees, which reinforces the need to reduce the population by slaughtering them. But they are almost as intelligent as humans, and have even better memories than we do, so you have to shoot and kill the entire family when you hunt because an orphaned baby elephant will grieve the loss of its family and remember the hunt - and its consequences - for the rest of its 60+ remaining years of life.

That facet of the issue, they concede, is inhumane.

IRONY: What OTHER large mammal is overpopulated, is destroying its environment, and - if hunted - would need to be killed in a group rather than individually because it would remember the hunt for the rest of its life and never recover? Hmmm ... we do more than destroy trees; we destroy our planet. And yet no one calls for us to be rounded up and executed family by family. So why are we doing this to elephants? What gives us the right?

Something to think about.

How old is she?

Almost everywhere I go, people ask how old my daughter is. So I ask you: Does Nick really look like a girl? I dress him in greens and blues for the most part, including lots of boyish stuff from Old Navy and Baby Gap. There are no yellow outfits to confuse people. But literally 8 times out of 10 when people approach us, they ask, "How old is she?" When I say, "HE is 11 months" they say, "Oh, it's those eyes," or "Oh, but he has such long eyelashes." They tell me to take it as a compliment, and most of the time I do.

I'm just not sure what to to do about it. When you have a baby girl who looks boyish because she's bald (that was the case for me when I was a baby) you can put a bow or headband on her. Problem solved.

Just when I was thinking about this, I snapped some pics of Nick and gosh-darnit, he does look a little like his name should be Nicole, not Nicholas :0).

Ten on Tuesday

1. I want another baby. I want to be pregnant again. But we've decided not to have any more children, for a lot of reasons. That doesn't mean I don't want any more. Must be something about being *almost* 35 [tick, tock, tick], and now having had a baby knowing my cycles so well [feeling almost an authority on the subject], and thus knowing how easy it would be to get pregnant again [in theory], and seeing Nick get older, and getting close to his 1st birthday, and missing his babyness, and ... {sigh}. Then I think how easy it will be to just have one, and I kind of stop being so melodramatic about the whole thing.
2. It's SO beautiful outside.
3. The 3,000 birds I told you about are still here. Their foodsource is almost gone, however.
4. Nick will turn 11 months old this week.
5. I can't figure out whether to have a big birthday party for his 1st or a small, just-family-type-of-thing. Any advice from you experienced moms on what to do?
6. I'm still feeling under the weather. Nick seems to be bouncing back nicely.
7. I just wish the doctor had said straight up, "Oh and by the way, this amoxicillin is going to cause him to have explosive diarrhea 4 times a day until he stops taking it." Might've been good to know up front. I should tape a sign to my head when we go to the doctor that says, "REMEMBER: I AM A NEW MOM. TELL ME THE STUFF YOU THINK I PROBABLY ALREADY KNOW. BECAUSE CHANCES ARE I DON'T."
8. I miss my sister.
9. My students have been cute, sending me emails wishing me a speedy recovery - makes me feel loved.
10. My mom arrives today for THREE days and I am SO excited to have her company. She stayed away while we were in the throes of this flu so she wouldn't catch it. I hope we're not contagious now.

For the birds

I wanted to invite some birds into our yard so Nick could watch them. Innocent enough, right? So I got a "seed sock" full of seeds that would attract small birds and hung it in our magnolia tree in the backyard. That was 2 weeks ago and not a single bird noticed it. Until yesterday. All of a sudden it's like every small bird in north county found out about the sock and descended on our yard. At any given time, around the clock, there have been 10 birds on the sock, another 20 in the magnolia tree waiting their turn, another 10 sitting on the fence nearby, and what sound like dozens more in other trees on the golf course below. The noise at one point today was so loud I had to close the window in order to hear the t.v.
Nick loved watching them with me, and I got some good pictures to prove how crazy these little birds were (keep in mind, this image was taken from inside the house, 15 feet away at least), almost stepping on each other to find a space on that sock. They have devoured almost half the seeds in 24 hours. Now the question becomes what to do when this runs out!

On the mend

We've been house-bound since Friday, trying to get better (both of us), and Nick has had such a rough time between his ears bothering him, his fever coming and going, his complete lack of energy, and then the antibiotics upsetting his tummy. Poor little guy. He has been such a cuddle bunny though; all he wants is to be held and nursed. The good news is that he's eating so often he hasn't had a chance to become dehydrated! Anyway, I guess it's true that when babies tug at their ears they (might) have an ear infection. There was a lot of ear pulling this weekend. And a lot of staring into space.One bit of good news: Him sleeping a lot meant I slept a lot - more than usual at least. Even today we snuggled up twice for two delicious midday naps together in the sunshine. It was wonderful.
Thanks for checking in with us!

No smiles today

My sweet sugared peanut is sick, for the first time in his 10 3/4 months of life.

You know my smiley little man? The one who always has a grin for you, even if he's tired/hungry/messy? No matter what? This one ...Well, this is the closest to a smile I could get from him today.
He has a fever of 102, and we're going to visit Dr. Barr in about half an hour ... but for now he's resting with a washcloth on his head and my arms wrapped around him very tight. Wish us a speedy recovery.
FRIDAY NIGHT UPDATE: It's an ear infection and the flu. He started antibios tonight.

What else would you do?

I am fascinated by the choices people make when it comes to work. Every day, every place I go, every person I see, I wonder to myself, "How did this person choose his/her job?" Or did it choose him/her?

I am lucky - I had the chance to choose my path and earned a scholarship so it was basically free. But I worked very hard to find my current job; it took 12 years to get my Ph.D., 1 year on the academic "job market", 110 applications, 8 interviews across the country (Fairleigh Dickinson, Notre Dame, University of Georgia to name a few) in the middle of winter blizzards, and then several rounds of additional interviews in San Diego before I was offered my professorship.

But being a professor was my second choice; I really wanted to be a medical doctor and was "pre-med" for several years before I switched to English. Why'd I switch? Two reasons: 1) I met Kathy Murphy, who would for years after be my mentor, and she convinced me that becoming a professor was my calling, and 2) I couldn't maintain a 4.0 GPA in science and math courses and if I was going to med school I only wanted to go to a top-tier program. Good reasons? I don't know. Part of me still wants to go to med school when Nick gets older (shhh don't tell anyone - that's my secret fantasy and I know, it's a little crazy at this point).

So here's the upshot of this post: I love watching The Actor's Studio. My favorite part of the interview is when James Lipton asks his guests what other profession they would attempt if they were not actors. I have given this serious thought, can you tell? Here are the other careers I would have chosen (in order of preference). In your comment, tell me yours! As you consider your options, pretend that money is no option, and that you have all the time and resources in the world. If that were the case, what would you do?

1. Medical doctor - I would have liked to specialize in neurology. I am fascinated by the brain. I might have considered becoming a psychiatrist.

2. Clinical psychologist - I almost, **almost** got my Ph.D. in psychology rather than education. I even completed the application but didn't send it in. When I think about how close I came, I sometimes have regrets even though I do love my current job, only because if I had gone the psych route I would have had more options (e.g., private practice and teaching).

3. Spa owner - I still have this dream. I'd like to run my own spa, something that women of all financial means and circumstances could enjoy. I studied at the Dermalogica Institute in Marina Del Rey when my mom owned her beauty salon and became very interested in skin care and aromatherapy. Then in grad school I almost took one summer to become a licensed massage therapist (almost, almost, almost). I think my ideal spa would offer a set of services just for pregnant women, with childcare so ladies could come and enjoy themselves and not worry about who would care for their children. I would like to run specials for working moms, offer courses in aromatherapy and basic skin care, and maybe even have special services for kids - mommy-and-me facials anyone?

One year ago, today ...

I was just 5 weeks away from meeting the great love of my life.

Switchin' up the lyrics

So I amused myself today. It doesn't take much sometimes. Nick likes when I sing him the song "Jesus Loves Me" (Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so, yes Jesus loves me, the Bible tells me so). But I sing that same chorus over and over again, and it gets old. So I made up new words to a second chorus (Mommy loves me, this I know, for her kisses show me so, yes Mommy loves me, her kisses show me so). And then, because I am half-loopy today, about as sick and tired as I can be, I got creative. I was talking to my mom on the phone, and all of a sudden the words to a new chorus came to me: I have issues, this I know, for your Grammie tells me so, yes I have issues, your Grammie tells me so.

Ha! I think I need to go to bed.

Ten on Tuesday

1. I'm sick, so the other 9 items will be brief.
2. Being sick when you are breastfeeding/pregnant sucks because you can't take over-the-counter meds.
3. On days like today I wish I had hired help.
4. The sleep drama continues. Check out this pic from yesterday morning's angry wake-up call.
WWWHHHYYYYYYYY AM I IN HERE? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY?
5. Last week I put a counter on my blog because I was starting to think no one reads it - but then in the past 5 days there have been more than 100 hits so ... I guess people do read and just don't comment? Come out of the shadows, folks!
6. I am really, really enjoying my classes this semester. The material is interesting and everyone is very engaged. I look forward to Wednesdays and Thursdays each week. And how crazy is this: We're already 1/4 of the way done.
7. I have been asked to write a book on academic administration and I am very excited about that, too. Guess what I'll be doing at night after Nick goes to sleep for the next oh, say, year or two.
8. None of my clothes fit me well right now - they are either too big or too small. So my husband says (super non-chalantly as a man would), "Why don't you go get some new stuff?" Because, I tell him, going into a store and trying on clothes while keeping your 10-month-old baby entertained (or just keeping him from screaming like a monkey) is like trying to put a cat in a cage while you paint your fingernails. The two just don't mix and if you try to do both at once, someone will get hurt.
9. I'm a little obsessed with taking pictures, if you haven't noticed. Yesterday I snapped this pic of Nick's hand on top of David's and I think it's beautiful.10. Through facebook I am now back in touch with all my best friends from elementary, middle, and high school. And guess what? They all have babies too. And guess what else? Their babies don't sleep, either. And guess what's funny? We have all read the same book lately, The No Cry Sleep Solution, and it's not working for any of us. But we all tried Ferberizing and agree that's not a solution, either. Small world, huh?

Hope you had a happy and healthy three-day weekend.

Why we love Susie

She has the ability to capture the essence of love.
Thanks for my mini photo session this week, Susie. I'm so excited about the pictures, I just had to share one here. You are an amazing artist.

Check out my new ride

Thanks Grammie and Grandpa!

Some proof of his Greek heritage

Nick does not look Greek; and yet he has what is perhaps the most Greek name a man can have: Nick Perrakis. His whole life, people will make assumptions about what he will look like before they meet him. And when he shows up, all sandy-blondish-brown haired and blue-eyed with pale skin, I think most will be surprised. Of course, he looks just like me, and people have always said that I have the most Greek name and that I don't look Greek either. Go figure.

But one sure sign he's Greek is his hair. It's as curly as you can get, especially when it's wet. Did he inherit his father's nice straight fine hair? Nope. He took after me in that regard, too. Here are pics of his hairline over the months, as it receded (read: fell out) and then came back. Kind of a fun, if weird, way to track his development, from full head of hair to bald and back again. He was born with so much and it just fell out in clumps after a few months. Poor little guy, he was almost completely bald by 6 months. In one specific area, at the very back of his head, I swear he lost every single hair at one point. Look - it's almost all grown back now!

1 WEEK OLD:3 MONTHS OLD:6 MONTHS OLD:9 MONTHS OLD: 10 1/2 MONTHS OLD (TODAY):

Teeth update

Here are some shots from this morning ... and two additional pics: One of him using his crib as a teether (word to the wise: don't buy an expensive crib because your baby will bite on it and ruin it), and one cutie shot of him just sitting in his crib, reading his book, because it made me smile.



Happy weekend!

My <3 Belongs to Mommy

My valentine - The tiny man who stole my heart

One year ago, he was karate-chopping me all night long, my little friend who lived inside my belly. I talked to him constantly, sang to him occasionally, even read him my favorite Beatrix Potter stories. Now he's my valentine, and to me he's as beautiful today as he was that first month of his life. The Valentine's Day card I bought for him says, "Before I held you in my arms, I held you in my heart - That's where you began, and where you will always be." I wrote him a note inside, sealed the envelope, kissed it to leave a lip print, and placed it in his little box of special things I've saved since he was born.

Oh, how certain days and moments take you back. I spent time this morning going back through digital photo albums of his first weeks at home and found the two I posted below. Don't you love his outfit in these pictures? Yes, those are little cows. My sister bought it for him because none of the 0-3 month clothes from my baby shower fit him yet; everything was too long, too baggy, and just plain huge on his tiny frame. The tag says size P for Preemie. I keep this little sleeper in my closet so that, whenever I want, I can take it out, hold it, smell it, and remember just how tiny he was when he was born. In these pictures he weighed just 6 pounds - hard to believe.


Anyway (sigh, sniffle sniffle), today, on this rainy Valentine's Day, I'm reflecting on the fact that this is my first Valentine's Day as Nick's mom. It's an important day for me, and for my mom, who also has a new valentine in her life to be thankful for.

Happy Valentine's Day!

There will surely be more where this came from ... hope your V Day is extra special.

Teeth: Before and after

Here was the top gumline last week:
And here we are today, a little more than a week later:
While I was taking these closeups, he made some other funny faces. He's been making this weird snapping/snacking/sucking sound and when he does it, the expression on his face is hilarious. Here's a picture of that:A few other outtakes:
Happy Tuesday!

Mama, my teeth hurt!

Want to see how Nick's been looking at me this week? It's a pretty intense little expression that, I think, is born out of pain (teeth), frustration (I can't walk but I'm so close now ...), and endless hunger (growth spurt). Poor little guy - did everything have to strike in one week? What I like best about the faces he's made this week is that, in them, I see a bit of his future self. Don't you kind of see what he'll look like as a grown man when you look at this picture?

Seven on Sunday

1. It's so beautiful outside that I feel stupid sitting indoors writing this list. So I am going to stop and come back later.

2. So glad I did that - even if only for a few minutes. I cannot WAIT for summer.

3. Yesterday we took Little Man to the Wild Animal Park for the first time. It's literally 15 minutes north of us, and we have free passes, so I don't know what took us so long. But we had fun. He wasn't very interested in the animals, except for a pair of ducks who were wandering around and came up to see him in his stroller. Other than that, the gorillas, the elephants, the birds, he could take or leave them really. Next time we go and he's a little older, I think he's going to be able to take more in.

4. Speaking of Little Man and animals ... he's growing by leaps and bounds and acting kind of nutty and animal-like himself right now. This weekend he started to stand up by himself without holding on to anything or anyone (and scared his mama half to death because now that he can do it, he wants to do it all the time), and he has learned to blow bubbles (it's so cute ...) and wants to do that all the time. He's just a standing-up-alone, blowing-bubbles kind of guy today.

5. This week will be my third week back at work and I've found my rhythm. I am so lucky to do something I love for a living.

6. My wrist is hurting a LOT and I'm thinking that I'll have to have surgery this summer, like it or not, risky as it may be. My question is: How will I possibly live my crazy life if I can't move my hand for 2 months? At least I'll be off work.

7. Next week is Valentine's Day and my mom's birthday. I am excited about both. My grandma's birthday is on the 13th. She would have been 91 this year, rest in peace.

Have a good week - the sunshine isn't going anywhere, say the forecasters, so enjoy, enjoy, enjoy!