So I'm home from the hospital recovering from a very unwanted c-section. My husband took 5 days paternity leave during which time he was mostly on his computer/telephone trying to stay "connected" at work. My mom and dad watched Nick while we were in the hospital. My dad got sick, and now my mom is at home alone with me and Nick. I'm having post-partum depression, I'm sure - crying a lot, feeling anxious. My doctor prescribed Zanax but I don't want to take it while nursing even though she reassured me the baby would be fine. My husband keeps telling me how behind he is at work, how my mom isn't being nice enough to him; my mom keeps telling me how not nice to her David is, how much she wants to go home. There's so much negativity here, it's palpable. I feel bad for the kids, both of whom have upset stomachs. I am sure they sense the discomfort.
Before I left the hospital I broke down to one of the night nurses and said, "please let me stay a few more days. I know once I go home my husband will be no help, my mom will be exhausted and snappy, and my nanny just got a full-time job, I have no energy to find someone else right now, and all I want to do is get better." She said, "oh honey, most people ask me when they can go home - very few ask me to help them find a way to stay." I knew this all would happen this way. It sucks to be right.
I guess everyone is doing the best they can, but I am hurting so badly. In a way I want to send mom home and let David work and just figure out how to do this by myself. But I'm only a week into recovery and not strong enough yet to pick Nick up, dress him, or change his diaper by myself. I am already bleeding worse from trying to do too much; I'm trying to see what it would be like on my own. As much as I want to swing it, I just can't yet.
Any advice is welcome. Do I send mom home? I don't want her to be so upset. In the long run, my relationship with her is more important to me than my physical recovery. Maybe there's a middle road where she can go home and I can just do as little as possible - for example, only change Nick when he is laying down and cooperating, not try to fight him or wrangle with him to change his clothes, or feed him sitting on the floor instead of trying to lift him into the highchair. And if I need to go somewhere, I can call a friend and move the carseats into their car, or have them drive my car.
What to do?
Monday, March 23, 2009
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3 comments:
I was so sad when I read your post. Mack turned 1 today so I have been reflecting on those first few days. Having a baby is so difficult and adding the additional physical pain of a C-section must be VERY challenging. I am not sure that you need to hear more advice since you probably get it all the time, but I'll give it a shot.
I suggest that you sit the Huz and mom down and tell them (I am sure that you will show them since you are going to cry with the raging hormones that accompany infants) that you need help and cooperation. They both seem to be in a selfish place, thinking of their needs, and not that of the babies, yours, or Nicks. Remind them of what help means, what they need to do, and the attitude that will help, not hurt.
Don't just let them leave! Your Huz needs to step up and stop worrying about work. He needs to enjoy this precious time. Your mom just needs to remember how much she needed her mom during these times. Maybe a little honesty will help. After all, if they leave you are just back to the same place -- finding a way to do it all alone.
I wish that I was there to help! I would step in without hesitation!
Oh, Iwish I could be nearer to help!
I think a mother should be there for the most difficult periods of the life of her doughter. Wouldn't you do everything possible for Zoe? Demand the help you deserve!
As for men, they have to be told what they are supposed to do. Just say aloud what you think and want. It's your right, you have done 99% of the hard work.
I hope it's getting better, just don't forget to enjoy your angels!
I might agree with what others have said out of caring for you, but you and I know at least with mom, she does more than she should given her health. She hides more pain than she shows. I know if she were in the condition grandma was in when she helped mom with us that she would but unfortunately, that's not possible. I know you're grateful for what she does do, but I also know you need more help.
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