Dear Santa

So my sister posted her Christmas wishlist on her blog, and now I guess it's my turn! My desiderata are many this year because we're cutting back (did ya read my last post?). I'm hoping this list helps Santa (aka my family). Who knew as adults we'd all be blogging our lists, rather than just talking to each other? I guess this is more fun because it's the illustrated version ...

1. The elves at Stampin Up! have tempted me with the following items (no images available, sorry - but trust me, it's ALL cute):
(2) Bella Rose designer paper, item 112041
(1) Holiday Treasures designer paper, item 112469
(1) Scallop square punch, item 112081
(1) Scallop edge punch, item 112091
(1) A Rose is a Rose stamp set, item 111560
(1) Say it with Scallops stamp set, item 111678
(1) Word Window punch, item 105090
(1) Stampin pad Kiwi Kiss, item 111835
(1) Assorted cardstock set In Color, item 111347
(1) Kiwi Kiss ribbon, item 111372

2. AHHHH this Cricut machine would be dreamy to own. But that's like super-crazy wishlist, not "normal folks on a budget" wishlist. Here's the info anyway :0) HSN item 377-824:

3. These shoes have been on my list forever: Did I mention the brand is Athena Alexander? From Nordies, of course. I'll take a black or pewter size 7, thank you. Oh Santa, if you love me, get me both! I promise to wear them until they fall off my feet, as I do all sparkly shoes (this is funny to you if you've seen my sparkly-but-beyond-retirement flip-flops).

4. Samsara is my old favorite perfume. I've come back to it, and it's like coming home. And I'm on the final few drops of my very worn-out bottle. The description from Nordstrom makes it sound so exotic! After all these years, I hadn't thought it so: "In Sanskrit, Samsara means the eternal cycle of life. It is an imaginary place, sacred and mysterious, where Orient and Occident meet. Samsara is the symbol of harmony, of absolute osmosis between a woman and her perfume. It is a spiritual voyage leading to serenity and inner contemplation. The bottle, in the sacred red of the Orient, echoes the figure of a Khmer dancer in the Musée Guimet in Paris, her hands folded in a gesture of offering, expressing plenitude and femininity. The stopper evokes the eye of Buddha. A tantalizing floral-oriental perfume, Samsara is a harmonious blend of all-natural essences, including jasmine, ylang ylang, sandalwood and tonka bean." So add this to the list (but only the Eau de Parfum, santa, as I don't wear Eau de Toilette - doesn't last, and so what's the point).

5. I've started collecting ornaments for a "fairy tree" for Zoe (to go along with our "all red" family tree and my own "gingerbread fantasy" tree). I want it to be done in lime green and lavender with fairies and butterflies. To decorate in similar style, I'd *love* this garland, which comes complete with ombred glittery butterflies. (And yes, the matching wreath is lovely, too.) Also, any pretty fairy ornaments or color-coordinating items would be appreciated. Oh and a few extra of these butterflies (also incidentally from Pottery Barn) to scatter around would be pretty cool, too.

6. Also for Zoe, these pretty things from etsy.com (have you EVER seen more beautiful baby items than you can find on etsy? My word! AND you get to support artists and their talents at the same time ...). These are listed with the corresponding boutique name to make them easier to find.
From SoSooRosey's Boutique, the Infant Snuggle Sacque:

From Gracious May's Boutique, these adorable shoes:

From Happy Babee and Beeyond's Boutique, this minky bib:

and that list could go on and on ...

7. I collect bracelets to wear during my pregnancies that I can give to my kids one day (and say hey, I wore this when I was pregnant with you). Nick's is a Hawaiian tri-gold plumeria bracelet that I hope his future wife or daughter will treasure. Zoe so far has a tri-gold bracelet that my parents bought me as a Christmas gift when I was about 10 years old. There's one I'd like to get and wear for her, though, for these last few months of pregnancy given her name. It's Black Hills gold with a rose in the design. If you google "Rose Hills gold rose bracelet" pretty much the same one pops up over and over again. Like this:

8. Last and least, I really want and need a steam mop for my hardwood floors. I've been asking for this puppy for two years. I know, I should just break down and buy it. If Santa doesn't see it appropriate to hook me up this year, I will!

And that's it! I need maternity clothes of course, not pants but cute tops. I'm going to wait for after-Christmas sales I think.
Has my list inspired yours? Or you to make your own? Ho ho ho!

Ten on Tuesday - The "this economy sucks" edition

This week's Ten on Tuesday is about the ten ways I'm/we're cutting back because times are tight.

10. Let's start here: I want this dress for Zoe for next Christmas SOOO-OOOOO-OOOO bad. She'd probably hate it because in the store I felt it and it's about as soft as a wild boar's coat. But it's so lovely. And the shoes are lovely. Even on sale it's not going to happen. Nope, not even if they took 50% off of the sale price.
9. I want a ton of scrapbooking supplies for the card- and tag-making habit Susie cultivated in me and I'm just saying no to all of that too (but my Christmas list is getting longer :0) My Stampin Up! demonstrator keeps emailing me, trying to butter me up with savings on all the items I don't want or need.
8. I'd like new maternity clothes. Right now I'm just wearing all my old stuff from Nick and the problem is, I'm way bigger around the middle this time. Like 3 inches bigger. I'm waiting for Motherhood to have a serious sale.
7. I'm cooking a lot more than usual, and we are eating ALL of the leftovers, every time.
6. We are being more purposeful and less impulsive with Christmas shopping this year, which is surprisingly making it more fun (and I think we're buying gifts with more thought than before, when it's been a free-for-all).
5. I'm selling stuff I'd normally donate to veterans or Salvation Army, which makes me sad but the actual cash is more helpful than the tax write-off right now.
4. I'm trying to figure out how to have a welcome celebration for Zoe in January that will be as nice as Nick's baby shower but for about half the cost. I think we'll be hosting it at home and cooking a lot, or just doing appetizers and cake. Hope she doesn't feel shortchanged one day.
3. I'm stretching out my hair appointments as far in between as I can without looking like a witch with all my streaky gray hair sticking out. It's not cute.
2. We have turned the air conditioner way down (it's still 90 degrees here every day) because that was sucking serious energy and costing an arm and a leg this year.
1. And I've convinced Dave to buy better clothes (like from Nordstrom) that are SmartCare, which means I can wash and dry them and save money in the long run on all those drycleaning bills. He likes the way they fit better, too.

Now if I could just find a way to get excited about all of this cutting back ...

Five on Friday

1. Zoe's going to be one spoiled little girl. She already has a wardrobe of clothing awaiting her that includes, yes you are seeing things correctly, red Mary Janes and a pink fur coat. 2. Nick and his Grandpa are peas in a pod. When we named little Nick after big Nick I don't think we realized we were creating his Mini-Me. They even share their fruit in the morning like old Greek men in the village. See? 3. Twice this week random people in stores have commented on how HUGE I am for a pregnant woman who has FOUR MONTHS left to go and isn't having TWINS. Gee, thanks. Do I look that huge to you? 4. Around these parts we're still reeling from GO-BAMA last week. We had a little party at our place and snapped these cutie pics of Nick with his Uncle John and Dave's colleague Brian, both of whom have earned Nick's full affection. 5. Nick was sooooo sick this week with first a horribly high fever and second a full-blown case of Roseola. Poor little guy. All he wanted for those 5 days was to be held and watch his cartoons. I indulged him completely. Especially after his bath when he just wanted to be wrapped in his towel and snuggled. Ah, those are the mommy moments I enjoy most, when he's just my tiny baby and I'm just all his comfort in the world.
Here's another sick baby cuddling shot from this week:The good news is that he's on the mend, we're having our Christmas photos taken this weekend cliffside in Del Mar (thanks Susie for scouting that awesome location!), and I'm feeling better too. Here's to a much less emergency- and sickness-filled week ahead.

Her name

I have found as a mother that naming your child is a sacred act. I think names should have meaning, significance, and purpose; a name should reflect what you feel you know about the little soul who will bear it. Naming my daughter has been more difficult than naming my son, in part because David and I both agreed that we'd like to name a boy after my father, Nicholas. For a girl, we always liked Zoe and Sofia. What's funny is that while we like Zoe Sofia for a first and middle name combo, it just didn't feel "right" based on what I know of this little girl so far. Her soul inside me feels very delicate and light. Sofia is like Athena, heavy and serious. My name feels like a coat of armor sometimes that I have to carry. I love it, don't get me wrong, but it's a lot to be. So a few weeks ago, the name Rose came to me. My mom says she's naming herself because almost the same day Rose came to her as an idea for a middle name, too. My grandmother's middle name was Roselle, so it has some significance. Roses are my second favorite flower after plumeria (you can't use *that* as a name) and doesn't Rose just flow with Zoe?

Zoe Rose.

Do you like it too?

Mad duck, happy duck, sugar-buzzed duck

Halloween was fun at our house this year! Well, I should say that it was fun once we convinced Nick to wear his costume. We decorated a little late (as in the day before), but it all came together. See?
I cut the elastic band off Nick's duck hat and sewed on some ribbons to make it more comfortable (it nearly choked him otherwise). He still wasn't convinced of its purpose or importance, so each of us took a turn wearing it for a few minutes to prove it actually was quite chic.

Then he came around. Nothing like peer pressure to make a kid want to wear his costume all of a sudden! Getting it on was difficult.But once we were over that hurdle, he sported the whole suit quite proudly (except the shoes came off pretty quickly because they were tripping him).



We made our rounds to the neighbors' houses (about 8 total) and then headed home to pass out candy. Nick helped this year, which was fun! Last year he really had no idea what was happening but now he's all about seeing who's at the door. Of course the best part of the night was going through his loot in the kitchen and deciding which candy bars to eat himself and which to share with Bella, who was always close by waiting for her shot (of course she didn't actually get any ... but that didn't keep her from trying).
Hope you had an awesome Halloween with your little duck(s) too!

Three on Thursday - the Eve of All Hallows Eve Edition

3. Dave decorated for Halloween tonight since we've been a little busy and distracted around these parts. But he did a great job, and I'll post pics tomorrow.
2. I took Nick to Babies R Us today to have his official Halloween photos taken (they did such a cute job last year!) and it was a t-r-a-i-n-w-r-e-c-k. They ran late, he was cranky, the photographer was less-than-talented at getting a toddler to sit or smile (I'm being generous there), and his hat was either too tight or came down too far over his face (this will get fixed tomorrow pre-trick-or-treating). I didn't buy any of the pics, which is so not like me. I'm usually the "buy the biggest package available" kind of mom. Bad pics combined with a bad economy (and an attempt at frugality on my part) translated into me not having any Halloween photos to share with you tonight.
1. On a much happier note, I am officially halfway through my pregnancy with Zoe (yep, that's her name) and Nick loves my growing belly. Here's a photo of what he does all the time, which is pull up my shirt and touch my belly, or better stick his fingers in my belly button.
Happy Halloween!

What keeps me going ...

is that he smiles like this at me about 1000 times a day.

Fighting back the blues

For the past few weeks I've had to battle the blues, a sense of broad discouragement about different facets and aspects of my life that seem both temporary and permanent. I know some of this "depression" may be pregnancy-induced, so I am trying to distinguish hormonal fluctuation from actual sadness. I know I have much to be grateful for in my life, and most days I am able to focus just on those good things. But at work I am feeling like the harder I try the less I am able to please people, who seem only ever to see what I can't do, can't produce. I've had a few students disappoint me this semester in different ways, and I'm reminded of a colleague's advice when I was in graduate school, that I need to pull back and not care so much. It's just that I pride myself on how much I care. I invest time and energy and love and while in many cases that's what I reap, it's clear that many people see me only as a means to an end, and invariably want more from me than I can offer, not acknowledging that this is the childbearing season in my life and my son and now my daughter don't ask to be in first place - they demand it, they deserve it.

At home I have a husband who is a good man but who was raised by completely unemotional and dysfunctional parents, and so, when stressed, he reverts to his early model of little sympathy and less tenderness at a time when that's what I need most. He offers so much, but not a shoulder to cry on alas when days are long and my heart is heavy. I look and hope he'll have better capacity for tenderness with his little girl. She will need her father to be a model of the man she'll look for herself one day.

I need to turn my face to the sun and count my blessings, and I will. I do. But some days the sun seems hidden behind the clouds. Today is one of those days.

Let me take you to Julian for the day ...

so you can see Autumn there through my eyes. What fun we had soaking up the magic of fall in the local mountains, including ripened apples on the ground and golden leaves everywhere we looked. I took some of these photos especially for my sister who I know will appreciate the Halloween decorations more than anyone! If you want to see the rest of the photos from the day, visit the flickr album here. Enjoy!

Morning sunshine

Just a few pics from this morning that warmed my heart!

Mia Scarlett

Nick and Mia spent today together, having lunch and playing afterward. I'm honing my photography skills! What a beautiful subject I had. Isn't she just precious?

Halloween preview

Nick had to be a duck this year. He "does the duck" when you tell him to, which means he puts his arms behind his back and tilts his head. It's so cute! I have no idea how he learned that. But we even made up a song for it. So here's his official duck suit for Halloween 2008.

Life is full of surprises!

I went into my 18-week anatomy scan today just hoping to learn that our baby is healthy and growing on schedule; I didn't expect to have the entire process turned upside down when the sonographer said, "You're having a GIRL!" I almost fell off the table. My mom and husband were silent. Here we've been expecting a boy for about 3 weeks since the last ultrasound we had at one of those commercial 4D places. Well, they were wrong; it was either too early and her parts were swollen, or what we thought was a penis was actually the umbilical cord, or both. But it's 100% for sure, we're having a girl.

If you read my earlier posts on being a mom to two boys, you probably sensed my ambivalence about having another son. But as time went on, I'd really come around to the idea! I imagined Nick and his little brother cruising around in their wagon together, teaching each other boy stuff. Of course I'm over-the-moon happy to be having a daughter. But the news today kind of knocked me off my feet. I didn't see it coming, or even think to look.

Life keeps you on your toes, that's for sure! Oh and best of all, she's healthy. Above all, isn't that what matters most?

A SUPER-fast Ten on Tuesday

'cause I only have a minute to do this:
10. Dave's stomach is upset. Hope he's not gettin' the flu. I don't think I'm going to be sick anytime soon (hopefully, fingers crossed, knock on wood) because ...
9. I got my flu shot yesterday!
8. Nick bumped his head last night, and I swear to you, that's all he does. Bump here, scratch there. I don't think I was meant to raise boys. I am constantly in a state of disaster preparedness!
7. I love the fall weather but not the wind because ...
6. Last year it led to fires and evacuations and our two cars full of everything we own. And two weeks of ash clean-up in the backyard. And ash all around the inside of our house too. No fun. At least we were fortunate enough not to suffer property damage or loss.
5. I look 7 months pregnant even though I'm only 4 1/2.
4. I'm having bizarre dreams of the kind only pregnant women get.
3. A funny thought - somewhere about halfway through my pregnancies (like right about now) I get this terrible anxiety when I realize OHMYGOODNESS this baby will have to eventually come out of me! This is less scary now that the exit most commonly used has already been (ahem) used.
2. I'd still rather have a vaginal birth over c-section any day. Even though it's the weirdest experience ever and no one prepares you for the true weirdness of it. Maybe I'll post on that one of these days.
1. The baby just kicked me. I have really started to feel him movin' this week.

Have a good week yourself!

Huntin' for pumpkins at Bates Nut Farm

We hope we started a new family tradition this weekend of visiting Bates Nut Farm for pumpkin hunting before Halloween. The property is probably 25 acres, with a full general store (decorated for Halloween, Thanksgiving AND Christmas, can you imagine?) and the biggest sprawling pumpkin patch I've ever seen in my life. We ate bratwurst and tri-tip and kettle corn and then ran around and chased Nick for about 2 hours before we were too exhausted to go on. It was a fun day, even though it officially wore the pregnant lady out. Here are some of my favorite photos from the day.
We're actually thinking about going back one more time before Halloween! And then of course for their Christmas festival next month!

Vaccinations, AKA things that go bump (and scream and blister) in the night

Some of you know I am an advocate of alternative vaccination schedules. I am not anti-vaccination, but I do not accept the current immunization schedule as advanced by the American Academy of Pediatrics, which receives funding from the pharmaceutical companies who produce the vaccines they mandate. Two conditions would precipitate a change in the opinion I am expressing here, and would lead me to reconsider my stance against the current vaccination regimen:
1. If financial considerations and "kick-backs" were removed, and the AAP endorsed these vaccines solely for the greater good, with no incentive for gain, and
2. If research would be funded by the NIH to investigate the existing correlational data that has indeed established a link - albeit not a causal one - between receipt of the live MMR vaccine and onset of autism spectrum-related disorders. Currently, the NIH refuses to fund such studies. Senate Bill 843, the Combating Autism Act, has yet to produce any codified results, much to my lack of surprise.

I have kept Nick current on other immunizations, such as DTaP (Diptheria, Tetanus and Pertussis) and HIB (Haemophilus-B influenza). At his 18-month well visit two weeks ago, my doctor - who supports my decision to alter his schedule - talked me into a "two in one" shot of DTaP and HIB, which produced a serious reaction at the site (evidence of his immunity, but frightening nonetheless). His leg was swollen twice its size, red, hot to the touch, and he was fussy, even downright nightmarishly angry, for days. He never got a fever, thank goodness, because he's prone to febrile seizures. But those four days kept me and my parents on our toes. I called the doctor's office only to be reassured this is a "normal" reaction in someone his age who has had the required multiple rounds of these particular immunizations. I could report his reaction to the vaccine injury compensation program if I wanted to advance research on why certain children experience such symptoms while others don't.

How reassuring.

I will post more on this in the weeks to come as I hope to begin a dialogue on the subject and even plan to write an article - where it will be published, I don't know, but somewhere moms can access it - to encourage a conversation. My thesis? The decision to immunize your child needs to be a decision, not an automatic response to a physician's recommendation. Everyone in this equation, right down to your own pediatrician, has a vested interest in how many vaccinations your child receives. My doctor has to report to the AAP the proportion of his treatment population who are on an "alternative schedule" even though technically the only alteration we've made is to have Nicholas receive shots one at a time over many months and to avoid the MMR until age 4 when his immune system will be mature enough not to over-respond as we suspect happens in cases of vaccine-induced autism (where children are genetically predisposed to such a reaction). I am also hoping that by age 4, research will be completed that either finally establishes or negates a connection between the MMR vaccination and autism spectrum disorders.

I just want moms to know they have options and decisions to make. And moms who breastfeed, says my doctor, have more options because their children are gathering stronger immunity through breastmilk than those who are formula-fed and thus perform better on an alternative schedule.

Sweetness

I'm here ...

just dealing with way too many student issues right now. I'll get back to posting in a few days.

I'm 17 weeks pregnant! Our anatomy scan is next Friday. I'm excited to see good closeup 3D shots of the peanut.

Here's a photo of Nick, and one of me and my tummy, from last weekend. Doesn't he look very grown-up?
Hope you're having a great week! Oh, and p.s., expect a very long post on vaccination reactions soon. I'm about at my wit's end with Nick's reaction to his DTaP and HIB shots this week. What are they injecting into our kids? And why so many rounds? I have lots of thoughts and research to share on this very complicated subject when time allows.