Sneak Peek: Zoe Rose at 29.5 weeks

She looks *just* like Nick at his 30 week ultrasound ... amazing! She weighs 3 1/2 pounds now. For comparison sake, here are HER photos from today ...








And here are Nick's ultrasound photos from the same week, two years ago:

Peek-a-Ba!

Another video - now that I know how to upload them to YouTube, expect many more posts like this one ...

Nick and Mattias having fun

Bright Blessing

He is my sunshine, my only sunshine; he makes me happy when skies are gray. He'll never know, that Nicholas, how much I love him. Please don't take my sunshine away. (Photos from Christmas day and today, 12/29, his first visit to Sea World!)

O Christmas Tree

Two of my three trees are up this year. I have completely run myself ragged getting Christmas together (the back pain from shopping and wrapping and working and chasing and lifting and carrying around an extra 30 pounds is horrendous) so the third tree and other decorations (like those I collected this fall for Zoe's tree, which will be a fairy/secret garden themed tree ... she has 2 fairies, 2 butterflies, and 4 green glass ornaments so far ...) have been packed away safely in anticipation of more energy on my part next year (ha!). But the trees photographed above really are my favorite two: The gingerbread tree, and our main tree, the red tree. I tried to take some good photos by playing with my camera's ISO and other settings (thanks for the tips Susie!).

On a funny note, we went to a Christmas party this weekend where Santa arrived and you had the option of bringing a small gift for him to give your child while he was there. Well, when he got to Nick's gift, he YELLED out "Nicholas!? Where is Nicholas? That's MY name!" and scared the crap out of my little guy, who started crying and didn't want to take the gift Santa offered him (even thought it was a cool red bird and Nick l-o-v-e-s birds).

My child isn't a huge fan of Mr. Claus. Yet.

Sadly, another child at the party had parents who either didn't remember or couldn't afford to give him a gift from Santa so the hostess collected money from everyone and put it in an envelope for him. All of the other kids' gifts were thoughtfully chosen and wrapped; it was hard to watch him open his envelope of singles without a sign of joy or happiness on his face. {sigh} Makes me wish I had been thoughtful enough to bring an extra gift just in case. I will next time. It was another reminder to me of the many blessings I tend to take for granted.

Merry Christmas to you all.

Project 365: A Year in Review

Thanks to Susie, I learned of this concept, where you take one photo a day and upload it into a set, and at the end of the year you've captured sequential memories. It's an awesome experience, though a lot of work I must say to stay organized and committed. In the interest of full disclosure, some days I took no photos and other days I took three, so it's not quite exactly 365 days of Nick's 2nd year of life, but it's very, very close. If you hold your mouse over a thumbnail photo you can see the date it was taken; and if you click on a photo you can see it enlarged.

So, if you want to see how Nick has changed in the past year, click here. I'm pretty darned proud of myself for keeping up with this project all year long and hope to do it again in 2009.

26 1/2 weeks

Zoe's getting big and strong! I already know her sleep-and-wake patterns. She's about 14 inches from head to toe and weighs 2 pounds. Her mama is just thankful this is the last week of classes and soon I can rest.

A Monday funny - because this is going to be a l-o-n-g week

This past weekend we taught Nick to say "ooooh noooo" (which he says as "ahhhh naaaa"). What we didn't teach him but he managed to learn anyway (smartie pants) is the comedic timing piece. He says it unprompted at all the right moments (like when he's supposed to be going down for a nap and I get upset because he refuses to sleep, for example).

I laughed until I cried when he wouldn't nap and I said, "Okay Nick, you either nap with mama or it's in the cosleeper for you" and he said, "aaaah naaaa."

You live for these moments as a mom. You really do. Have a good week!

Five on Friday: The "It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas *and* I'm feeling sentimental" edition

I'm sitting upstairs in my office with the door open, working, on a Friday night at 7 p.m. while Dave watches Nick downstairs. I can hear their conversation. And I want to stop working and go join them. Every day my little boy is getting bigger, and I'm endlessly conflicted about the way I divide my time between him and my work. Both are important. One is fleeting though, and I can't get my time with Nick back.

So here are my five sentimental-and-somewhat-holiday-related thoughts tonight:
1. That hearing Nick and David jibber-jabber to each other with Christmas music playing softly in the background is the sweetest sound I can imagine.
2. That even though I do my best every day for everyone in my life, and go to bed absolutely exhausted for that very reason, it's still not good enough and probably never will be. Even though ironically it has to be.
3. That Nick is now 20 months old and will be able to tell Santa next year what he actually wants for Chrismas. Scary!
4. That I already long for the days when I could pose Nick for pictures in front of our Christmas tree because now he gets up and walks away. Hmph.
5. That Christmas is so much more extra-special for me now that I have children. It just seemed empty for a while there. How kids refocus your attention on what matters is truly miraculous.

Have a good weekend!

X-rays from yesterday

I actually think this x-ray shot of Nick's little legs is cute. Don't you?

Because sometimes you need a reminder

We get lulled into thinking our problems are big problems; sometimes they are, but a lot of times, they're not. Here's what life did for me today: It took what seemed like a problem and put it in a whole lot of context. Nick has been having trouble walking lately. For about a month now. He has been tripping more and more, and losing his balance in situations where he otherwise wouldn't. And I have totally freaked out. He saw his pediatrician who encouraged me to relax, telling me that he's "toeing in" but that it's normal for kids under 2 and besides he has his father's awful flat feet and that lends itself to toeing in, too. RELAX FIRST-TIME MAMA! It's just that when you see your baby struggle, especially with something like walking that's so important and especially especially when he didn't have trouble before, well, you worry.

It seems like a problem.

So my pediatrician made me an appointment with the head of pediatric orthopedics at Rady's Children's Hospital today. One of the best children's hospitals in the country, and one of the biggest. It's a whole medical complex of pediatric sub-specialties: Cardiology, otolaryngology, neurology, and saddest of all perhaps, oncology. Here we were, my little man and me, getting on the elevator with kids who clearly had problems to deal with. And parents who were without their babies, but carrying their babies' things: Blankets, plush bunnies, all wearing "visitor" stickers. We saw our doctor, amidst other patients Nick's age dealing with scoleosis and other awful real problems, and when Nick's x-rays all came back normal and he was diagnosed with "internal tibial torsion" - a genetic turning-in of the tibias on both legs that he got from David, and that will ultimately self-correct by the time he's 3 or 4 - I felt such a series of emotions. It was overwhelming. I could hear the doctor talking and yet I was almost outside my body, thinking about all those babies and kids we'd seen on the way in and how LUCKY we were to be OKAY and able to go HOME.

I held Nick for a few minutes in that room, his tiny little legs and all. And I thanked God from the bottom of my soul. Thank you, thank you, thank you for my healthy babies. Thank you.

Thank you.

Because I needed a reminder to get beyond myself and what seems like a set of problems in my life but isn't. Having a crazy toddler who misbehaves is not a problem. Having a job that never gets done isn't a problem. Having back pain from being pregnant and being exhausted because you're carrying a healthy child is not a problem. I feel blessed today.

Ten on Tuesday, the very quick "I'm thankful" edition

This year I'm thankful for:

10. Nick and Zoe, the family we've created
9. Mom, Dad, Kristin, Jeff, and our extended family, the family created for us, and how much love and effort that took
8. Friendships that sustain me and give me perspective
7. Health
6. Time - time to watch Nick grow and learn and become his own person, time to stay connected with people in the midst of an often chaotic life, time to reflect on where I am and how I got here, time to plan where I want to go
5. A sense of my place in the world
4. Little things that make me happy - sunshine streaming through trees, bare feet on warm concrete, creating things, making Nick giggle, Facebooking, feeling Zoe kick, napping, taking the occasional long bath, watching my belly grow, spending time with people I love, hearing Nick say bird whenever he sees one fly by (sounds like "buh-r" only much cuter)
3. O-ba-ma and hope for our country's future
2. The idea that tomorrow will be better than today just because
1. A heart that's full

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours! Be back next week.

Whole lotta handmade gift tag-making!

So these are a work-in-progress, but here's a shot of the handmade gift tags I'm making for a few friends and family this year. (Click on the photo to see them close up, to fully appreciate the glitter-and-rhinestone action :0) Would it have been cheaper actually to go and buy ready-made ones at the store? Yes, as it turns out. Would it have been nearly as fun or relaxing? Nope.

What are you making this season?

Dear Santa

So my sister posted her Christmas wishlist on her blog, and now I guess it's my turn! My desiderata are many this year because we're cutting back (did ya read my last post?). I'm hoping this list helps Santa (aka my family). Who knew as adults we'd all be blogging our lists, rather than just talking to each other? I guess this is more fun because it's the illustrated version ...

1. The elves at Stampin Up! have tempted me with the following items (no images available, sorry - but trust me, it's ALL cute):
(2) Bella Rose designer paper, item 112041
(1) Holiday Treasures designer paper, item 112469
(1) Scallop square punch, item 112081
(1) Scallop edge punch, item 112091
(1) A Rose is a Rose stamp set, item 111560
(1) Say it with Scallops stamp set, item 111678
(1) Word Window punch, item 105090
(1) Stampin pad Kiwi Kiss, item 111835
(1) Assorted cardstock set In Color, item 111347
(1) Kiwi Kiss ribbon, item 111372

2. AHHHH this Cricut machine would be dreamy to own. But that's like super-crazy wishlist, not "normal folks on a budget" wishlist. Here's the info anyway :0) HSN item 377-824:

3. These shoes have been on my list forever: Did I mention the brand is Athena Alexander? From Nordies, of course. I'll take a black or pewter size 7, thank you. Oh Santa, if you love me, get me both! I promise to wear them until they fall off my feet, as I do all sparkly shoes (this is funny to you if you've seen my sparkly-but-beyond-retirement flip-flops).

4. Samsara is my old favorite perfume. I've come back to it, and it's like coming home. And I'm on the final few drops of my very worn-out bottle. The description from Nordstrom makes it sound so exotic! After all these years, I hadn't thought it so: "In Sanskrit, Samsara means the eternal cycle of life. It is an imaginary place, sacred and mysterious, where Orient and Occident meet. Samsara is the symbol of harmony, of absolute osmosis between a woman and her perfume. It is a spiritual voyage leading to serenity and inner contemplation. The bottle, in the sacred red of the Orient, echoes the figure of a Khmer dancer in the Musée Guimet in Paris, her hands folded in a gesture of offering, expressing plenitude and femininity. The stopper evokes the eye of Buddha. A tantalizing floral-oriental perfume, Samsara is a harmonious blend of all-natural essences, including jasmine, ylang ylang, sandalwood and tonka bean." So add this to the list (but only the Eau de Parfum, santa, as I don't wear Eau de Toilette - doesn't last, and so what's the point).

5. I've started collecting ornaments for a "fairy tree" for Zoe (to go along with our "all red" family tree and my own "gingerbread fantasy" tree). I want it to be done in lime green and lavender with fairies and butterflies. To decorate in similar style, I'd *love* this garland, which comes complete with ombred glittery butterflies. (And yes, the matching wreath is lovely, too.) Also, any pretty fairy ornaments or color-coordinating items would be appreciated. Oh and a few extra of these butterflies (also incidentally from Pottery Barn) to scatter around would be pretty cool, too.

6. Also for Zoe, these pretty things from etsy.com (have you EVER seen more beautiful baby items than you can find on etsy? My word! AND you get to support artists and their talents at the same time ...). These are listed with the corresponding boutique name to make them easier to find.
From SoSooRosey's Boutique, the Infant Snuggle Sacque:

From Gracious May's Boutique, these adorable shoes:

From Happy Babee and Beeyond's Boutique, this minky bib:

and that list could go on and on ...

7. I collect bracelets to wear during my pregnancies that I can give to my kids one day (and say hey, I wore this when I was pregnant with you). Nick's is a Hawaiian tri-gold plumeria bracelet that I hope his future wife or daughter will treasure. Zoe so far has a tri-gold bracelet that my parents bought me as a Christmas gift when I was about 10 years old. There's one I'd like to get and wear for her, though, for these last few months of pregnancy given her name. It's Black Hills gold with a rose in the design. If you google "Rose Hills gold rose bracelet" pretty much the same one pops up over and over again. Like this:

8. Last and least, I really want and need a steam mop for my hardwood floors. I've been asking for this puppy for two years. I know, I should just break down and buy it. If Santa doesn't see it appropriate to hook me up this year, I will!

And that's it! I need maternity clothes of course, not pants but cute tops. I'm going to wait for after-Christmas sales I think.
Has my list inspired yours? Or you to make your own? Ho ho ho!

Ten on Tuesday - The "this economy sucks" edition

This week's Ten on Tuesday is about the ten ways I'm/we're cutting back because times are tight.

10. Let's start here: I want this dress for Zoe for next Christmas SOOO-OOOOO-OOOO bad. She'd probably hate it because in the store I felt it and it's about as soft as a wild boar's coat. But it's so lovely. And the shoes are lovely. Even on sale it's not going to happen. Nope, not even if they took 50% off of the sale price.
9. I want a ton of scrapbooking supplies for the card- and tag-making habit Susie cultivated in me and I'm just saying no to all of that too (but my Christmas list is getting longer :0) My Stampin Up! demonstrator keeps emailing me, trying to butter me up with savings on all the items I don't want or need.
8. I'd like new maternity clothes. Right now I'm just wearing all my old stuff from Nick and the problem is, I'm way bigger around the middle this time. Like 3 inches bigger. I'm waiting for Motherhood to have a serious sale.
7. I'm cooking a lot more than usual, and we are eating ALL of the leftovers, every time.
6. We are being more purposeful and less impulsive with Christmas shopping this year, which is surprisingly making it more fun (and I think we're buying gifts with more thought than before, when it's been a free-for-all).
5. I'm selling stuff I'd normally donate to veterans or Salvation Army, which makes me sad but the actual cash is more helpful than the tax write-off right now.
4. I'm trying to figure out how to have a welcome celebration for Zoe in January that will be as nice as Nick's baby shower but for about half the cost. I think we'll be hosting it at home and cooking a lot, or just doing appetizers and cake. Hope she doesn't feel shortchanged one day.
3. I'm stretching out my hair appointments as far in between as I can without looking like a witch with all my streaky gray hair sticking out. It's not cute.
2. We have turned the air conditioner way down (it's still 90 degrees here every day) because that was sucking serious energy and costing an arm and a leg this year.
1. And I've convinced Dave to buy better clothes (like from Nordstrom) that are SmartCare, which means I can wash and dry them and save money in the long run on all those drycleaning bills. He likes the way they fit better, too.

Now if I could just find a way to get excited about all of this cutting back ...

Five on Friday

1. Zoe's going to be one spoiled little girl. She already has a wardrobe of clothing awaiting her that includes, yes you are seeing things correctly, red Mary Janes and a pink fur coat. 2. Nick and his Grandpa are peas in a pod. When we named little Nick after big Nick I don't think we realized we were creating his Mini-Me. They even share their fruit in the morning like old Greek men in the village. See? 3. Twice this week random people in stores have commented on how HUGE I am for a pregnant woman who has FOUR MONTHS left to go and isn't having TWINS. Gee, thanks. Do I look that huge to you? 4. Around these parts we're still reeling from GO-BAMA last week. We had a little party at our place and snapped these cutie pics of Nick with his Uncle John and Dave's colleague Brian, both of whom have earned Nick's full affection. 5. Nick was sooooo sick this week with first a horribly high fever and second a full-blown case of Roseola. Poor little guy. All he wanted for those 5 days was to be held and watch his cartoons. I indulged him completely. Especially after his bath when he just wanted to be wrapped in his towel and snuggled. Ah, those are the mommy moments I enjoy most, when he's just my tiny baby and I'm just all his comfort in the world.
Here's another sick baby cuddling shot from this week:The good news is that he's on the mend, we're having our Christmas photos taken this weekend cliffside in Del Mar (thanks Susie for scouting that awesome location!), and I'm feeling better too. Here's to a much less emergency- and sickness-filled week ahead.

Her name

I have found as a mother that naming your child is a sacred act. I think names should have meaning, significance, and purpose; a name should reflect what you feel you know about the little soul who will bear it. Naming my daughter has been more difficult than naming my son, in part because David and I both agreed that we'd like to name a boy after my father, Nicholas. For a girl, we always liked Zoe and Sofia. What's funny is that while we like Zoe Sofia for a first and middle name combo, it just didn't feel "right" based on what I know of this little girl so far. Her soul inside me feels very delicate and light. Sofia is like Athena, heavy and serious. My name feels like a coat of armor sometimes that I have to carry. I love it, don't get me wrong, but it's a lot to be. So a few weeks ago, the name Rose came to me. My mom says she's naming herself because almost the same day Rose came to her as an idea for a middle name, too. My grandmother's middle name was Roselle, so it has some significance. Roses are my second favorite flower after plumeria (you can't use *that* as a name) and doesn't Rose just flow with Zoe?

Zoe Rose.

Do you like it too?

Mad duck, happy duck, sugar-buzzed duck

Halloween was fun at our house this year! Well, I should say that it was fun once we convinced Nick to wear his costume. We decorated a little late (as in the day before), but it all came together. See?
I cut the elastic band off Nick's duck hat and sewed on some ribbons to make it more comfortable (it nearly choked him otherwise). He still wasn't convinced of its purpose or importance, so each of us took a turn wearing it for a few minutes to prove it actually was quite chic.

Then he came around. Nothing like peer pressure to make a kid want to wear his costume all of a sudden! Getting it on was difficult.But once we were over that hurdle, he sported the whole suit quite proudly (except the shoes came off pretty quickly because they were tripping him).



We made our rounds to the neighbors' houses (about 8 total) and then headed home to pass out candy. Nick helped this year, which was fun! Last year he really had no idea what was happening but now he's all about seeing who's at the door. Of course the best part of the night was going through his loot in the kitchen and deciding which candy bars to eat himself and which to share with Bella, who was always close by waiting for her shot (of course she didn't actually get any ... but that didn't keep her from trying).
Hope you had an awesome Halloween with your little duck(s) too!