A not-so-smooth transition

We've been cosleeping with Nick since he came home from the hospital. He was one month premature, only 5 1/2 pounds when we finally brought him home April 2, 2007, and I was breastfeeding, so cosleeping - the "family bed" - just seemed right for us, and especially for me as a new nursing mom. For the first 4 months of Nick's life he was so congested every night that he could hardly breathe. The doctor said he just had tiny nostrils and that, as he grew, he would breathe easier. That was true - but for 4 months I held him somewhat upright in bed all night long, every night. We tried everything, putting him in his carseat inside the cosleeper, you name it. Holding him (and not sleeping myself) pacified him (along with nasal aspiration every few hours and LOTS of Ocean drops to his chagrin). A friend of mine told me that when your baby is small you "do whatever works" and, well, she was right.

Here we are at 10 months, and Little Man wants nothing more than to cuddle with me all night long, every night, nursing at will (which tends to be every 2-3 hours). He has even learned how to pull up my shirt so half the time I tend not to wake up. But he's very mobile - crawling, almost walking - and last week while I slept he awoke, crawled to the edge of the bed, and rolled off with a THUD. I almost passed out with fear. Now, keep in mind, almost every seasoned mom I know has told me that this has happened to them. And Nick was fine - after he got over the initial shock he was his usual, happy self. But it was enough to change my mind about sleeping with Nick. So what have I done?

That very night we took the top portion off his cosleeper and lowered it to a level where he can stand up and hold the edge but he cannot pull himself up or out of it. I nurse him when he wakes at night and then, once he is almost asleep, I put him in the cosleeper. I leave a blanket that smells like me in with him, and you know what? He's doing just fine. I am getting more sleep, I don't have to worry about bedrolling accidents, and we are making progress.

In the mornings I now wake to him standing up inside the cosleeper talking to me: ba ba, ma ma, da da, mawang, bagoo. It's cute, and he seems happy enough. Except yesterday, when he woke up, he was very scared for some reason. I gave him a pillow to snuggle with, which he likes (don't worry - he doesn't sleep with all that stuff in there, it's just for mornings when he's awake), but that didn't help his mood. The camera was right there. Even though I prefer smiley pictures, I just had to snap one shot of his "help me, mama!" grimace.

A not-very-happy-and-quite-lonesome camper. But it's better than an I-just-rolled-off-the-bed-and-injured-myself camper, right? I think so.